Poetry about Mental Health from Maria A. Arana

photo from Denny Muller on Unsplash.com

Window in the Dark

i walk past your slumber
catch a glimpse of your sleep
 
you toss to break away
doors to this dark room
 
night teachings of fear
i reach the doorknob and find gum
 
my fist connects with the window
shattering the glass into shards
 
i climb out
find a light switch
 
but shadows weave in
and grab hold of it
 
darkness reminds 
my hands bleed

i push myself back
past your bed
 
the pace changed my feet
now stuck on shoe glue
 
but your slumber resists
stays undisturbed
 
my cold breath screams out
our bedroom locks us in full retreat
 
while wind chimes whisk tunes unchanged
until my eyelids open


Spider's Mess

cobwebs overhead
tell nothing of what’s ahead
            fountains of blood
            mountains of flesh
inside this room
 
cobwebs hang icicles
tell nothing of what’s to come
            water falls like knives
            fire burns holes
inside my heart
and there you wait

This is what Faded Love Looks Like

we both knew 
this would happen
 
tell me you love me
tell me you care
 
then the times
when you don’t remember 
the last ache could spill over 
 
tell me it’s okay
tell me we’re through
 
playing games on the front lawn
where our soaked feet kiss the dawn
and memories still find their way home


Bio: Maria A. Arana is a teacher, writer, poet, and editor. Her poetry has been published in various journals including Spectrum, The Gonzo Press, and The Kleksograph. You can find her at https://twitter.com/m_a_Arana and https://aranaeditingservices.com

2009: A Recovery From Her Spiderweb by David L O’Nan

2009 A Recovery From Her Spiderweb

It had been 10 years 
A cold February Kentucky wind
Through a panic call
I guess united by fears
Silence, on a dark night drive
Clarity, lost through the wires
Arrivals to the death of Indigo.

A foolish man falls prey
To a Jekyll and Hyde constellation
Her screams, her pills, her knives & blades threatening
I have to be bare like the roses
Or else,
And now throw me to the pond,
Leave me a fish wanting to die.
In obscurity, floating with a manic dead mind.

You tried to weaken me, with words, with threats
Used me,
Driven me away to a trail of trauma
Like a long walk into a viewless forest.
Planted seeds of fire to my heart.

Trust comes on like impulsivity now
In a fright,
For what is real
And what is a monster with soft skin
I blister to my hands from a false touch.

That spreads like a virus.


 “Before the Bridges Fell” by me David L O’Nan Poetry book is out today on Cajun Mutt Press 

Available Now: Before I Turn Into Gold Inspired by Leonard Cohen Anthology by David L O’Nan & Contributors w/art by Geoffrey Wren

Bending Rivers: The Poetry & Stories of David L O’Nan out now! 

Fevers of the Mind founder bio: David L O’Nan (WolfPack Contributor) 

New poem by Lily Maureen O’Nan

Untitled

Cough, cough.
Where did the light go,
Or what,
Does it really do,
For a mind on chaos,
Drugs?
You said to me,
"Don't go sideways,"
But I slid.
I fell, I stumbled.
Fuck our little, 
Bubble.
Polarized images seek,
To create a society,
Of death,
A culture of depravity.
All I'm left with,
Is thought,
And perceptual discord.


*a poem about psychiatric medication and relapse*

Lily Maureen O'Nan is a non-binary transfeminine, (they/she) writer and psychology major working towards becoming a disability rights activist in the process.  Lily is the sister of editor of site David L O'Nan.

Poetry by David L O’Nan : Where Do I Leave?

Tunnel, Light

Where Do I Leave?

I met you in the death to skin fires
In sticky pits full of fallen stars
A dark red-curtained nauseous room
with the moonlit hissing
Your room is a dying egg shell white
bleeding angel artwork,
the Mona Lisa convulses off the walls.

You broke my eggs to the Dirty Three
the yolk is a permanent black crisping
to wet dirty cement,
Breathing up from the ground
To paralyze me to this memory
Pause, run, running

I feel homeless
Fainting to your lectures
You fed me pills and secrets
You harshly took my heart out,
and drained it like a sponge.

I have to escape this,
I have to escape this,
I have to escape this,
These claws that grip

I have to escape this,
I have to keep running from this,
I have to escape this,
So fast from the macabre
The claws that rip

The hands of knives want to purge me into the holes,
To fall in,
and smell the sourness of a body
That sweats away the alcohol
That dances out all her dirty arrogance.

The few that swim out
The feeling I have to swim out
I've got to swim out,
This drowning,
This drowning,
Is closing in, I'm forever changed
by your tattooing

Left me in tears
Leave me scared
Leave me feeling sick and departed
From my mind
Leave me blushing in with fevers
and leave in a hypnotic taboo.

I drove away
When you didn't want me to
I drove away
Because I had to
I drove away
From this Kentucky Mountain Medusa
In an alcoholic veil

Mentally bruising
Mentally washed
Mentally forever wondering
Mentally i'm ashamed
When you were the one drawing all of the lines.

In my car
I try to scream
But I can't
In my car
I try to breathe
But I can't
In my car
I drive faster than the speed
I drive into the black hole eyes of the road.

Like chaos in the melting snow
and the violins play louder
"I Knew it Would Come to This"
Again
Paralyzed when the sky blackened
The road feels like 
a lost tunnel 
with these,
dim lights. 


 “Before the Bridges Fell” by me David L O’Nan Poetry book is out today on Cajun Mutt Press 

Available Now: Before I Turn Into Gold Inspired by Leonard Cohen Anthology by David L O’Nan & Contributors w/art by Geoffrey Wren

Bending Rivers: The Poetry & Stories of David L O’Nan out now! 

Fevers of the Mind founder bio: David L O’Nan (WolfPack Contributor) 

A Fevers of the Mind Interview with Clark Wayne of the Clockwork Nights Podcast

With Clark Wayne:

Hi Clark, thanks for doing this interview. I’ve been a huge podcast listener for about 12 years or so now. It all started with old school wrestling podcasts, Kentucky basketball, then onto Comedy Bang! Bang! and then interview/documentary style shows. I have known you for a few years from Evansville where “Clockwork Nights” began, In and now you reside and do your podcast in Nashville. The podcast are interviews with creatives like yourself. Going in depth with interviews over music, art and more.

Q1: What are the podcasts that you’ve listened to through the years, and what lead to your decision to restart the Clockwork Nights podcast again after a small hiatus?

Clark: The first podcasts I remember hearing about were, This American Life by NPR and one of Kevin Smith’s early podcasts. Since then I’ve listened to various podcasts, ranging from cooking shows to the Michelle Obama podcast on Spotify.
I love that a podcast can be about anything. For me, I needed to have intentional conversations again with friends and strangers alike. People I either respect or find inspiring. As we all know, the world has been turned upside down over the last couple of years with added layers of negativity. The podcast allows me to share these inspiring conversations with others.

Q2: Do you have a favorite podcast? Do you pick up tips from other podcasts that have translated to how you run your own show?

Clark: Absolutely. I’m always searching for ways to sonically produce the best sounding podcast. I love that some podcasts have branded themselves with merch and made their shows household names. Maybe I should do a run of Clockwork Nights coffee mugs? Would anyone buy that for Christmas?

My Nashville buddies Clint and Ethan run the number one Metallica fan podcast called Metal Up Your Podcast. With just their podcast they’ve created a great sub culture for fans of metal music. I’ve actually made a few friends through their podcast. It’s funny to think about how a band like Metallica can inspire a podcast and as a result you make friends that you now can’t dream a world without.

Q3: You’ve lived in Evansville, Indiana, currently in Nashville and if I remember right you’ve also spent time in Germany? How was living out of the states, and how did that help shape your current personality? (myself I went from a small town in Kentucky to a huge city in New Orleans and then to smaller cities in the Midwest. The culture change from small town Kentucky to a culture pot like New Orleans rally helped me in figuring out how to be a more well rounded person at 19 years old at the time)

Clark:

Yes born and raised in the Evansville area. Lived for a minute in Oklahoma in middle school and moved to Germany when I was 19 years old for about three years.

Clark: Any time I’ve spent outside of my surroundings and comfort I believe has changed me for the better. Germany specifically at the time helped me understand that there’s more to life than American politics and a worldview that exists between democrats and republicans. For example they have around five main political parties. For me, I found myself having the opportunity to compare all that I knew in middle America with a culture that has been around for centuries. Plus… beer dude!

Q4: You really put yourself out there at times showing that you’ve dealt with anxieties through your life and how you’re overcoming that with exercise, eating right & more. Are you finding that it is hard to keep a consistent schedule to keep a healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically? What are the challenges and benefits to maintaining a positive outlook?

Clark: I think everyone’s greatest challenge is to remember to be nice to themselves. Regardless of what routine you follow, it’s all for nothing if you aren’t doing it to better yourself first. So please be kind and nice to yourself!
Keeping a consistent schedule definitely helps. Like all habits, it takes time to break the old ones and time to instill the new ones. Be patient and keep your goals in mind. Let your goals motivate you more than keeping a rigid schedule.

Q5: I know you’ve been playing music your whole life, and also do some production work including the podcast. When did you start playing music? What attracted you to wanting to play your first instruments, and when did you join your first band?

Clark: I’ve been attracted to loud noises for as long as I can remember. When I was a baby my mom would know I was awake from naps because I was either pulling things off of my dresser or I’d be pounding my feet against the crib. So naturally, I gravitated towards drums. I got my first snare drum for Christmas when I was seven. I still have it. It’s sitting right next to me.

I joined my first band at the age of 12. I played drums and sang! We were somewhere between The Melvins and whatever 90s pop punk bands… We were raw, out of tune and just explosive.

Q6: How many bands have you played in and do you enjoy the production side of music more and just doing projects with people here and there, or a consistent traveling and performing concerts?

Clark: I’ve lost count… Nine bands?
I haven’t toured much ironically. So I’d love to do that more.
I do love the production side, but I also love having my head in the middle of all the noise while performing. It’s a toss up!

Q7: What are some of your favorite concert shows you’ve attended (locally and otherwise)?

Clark: Local shows. My favorite shows ended up being in the basement of the Hockey House on 2nd Street or friends houses in Evansville, Indiana.
Bigger bands… Motorhead was fun. Making eye contact with Lemmy was both intimidating and enchanting.
I’ve burnt myself out on this one, but Turnstile all day for current bands. They put on a really fun show.

Q8: What is one of the strangest happenings that have occurred at one of your jobs?

Clark: Keeping one! I’m a creative through and through. Staying committed to the grind has its challenges.

Q9: What are your goals with Clockwork Nights? Are you wanting to keep it mostly with the Nashville scene and with friends and creatives you know, or hopes to expand it to entertain the possibility of interviewing a wider variety of people?

Clark: To connect with people regardless of who they are and what their background is. The guests are from all over. Previously I had sorta cornered myself to only interviewing musicians from my hometown. Now, I just want to talk to whoever I find inspiring. I think since the relaunch the show has done pretty well at having a variety of guests on. Which will continue!

Q10: Please give us some links, any social media info, patreon info and in general where one can hear “Clockwork Nights” Podcast.

Clark:

patreon.com/clockworknights

instagram.com/clarkwayne

facebook.com/clockworknights

https://linktr.ee/Clarkwayne

Thanks for the interview

Thank you! This was fun!

Some links to a few episodes on Soundcloud:

https://lnns.co/4i0bWsH_EJ7 Episode 1 the Return of Clockwork Nights (Intro to the show episode)

https://lnns.co/2enMqt6ru8O Episode 2 with Billy Power from multiple bands, ran a major record label, and podcaster. A very interesting listen

https://lnns.co/w4RPGgB1W2Q Episode 5 with Kesha Jackson (singer/songwriter)

https://lnns.co/htKdeUj-zq9 Episode 7 with Claire Ballard (former Radio dj personality from Midwest and all over. Mental Health recovery and therapy discussed and more)

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