Poetry: Dear, he who must not be named (T/W) by Faye Alexandra Rose

I say I don’t, but I remember that night.


There were eleven lights in the ceiling and five trains went past the window. You told me to
be silent. Not one word or your violence would speak a thousand. It turns out you wrote a
novel all over my skin was a map of the places you had been uninvited. Watercolour bruises I
could not dilute with bleach. I cried to the police reliving that moment once again. The
examination was filled with swabs and humiliation as a male doctor went near my wounds. I
feared men for a long time after, I would even flinch at my brother’s touch. I’d often see red
and lash out, like a bull I would charge at whoever told me “I would be okay.” I can’t even
look in the mirror without seeing shame! I scrub my skin until it bleeds and please don’t
patronise me with so-called kindness! I’m damaged, disgusting, drowning in pain, I can’t
bear to wake up and feel this again, I –
realised I still have breath in my lungs. When I shut my eyes, I feel at peace. I’ve learnt that
quiet thoughts speak volumes. That love doesn’t shout, it whispers. That hands are to hold
and not to make fists with. That for a moment I was hollow, a woman who would wallow in
self-pity until I remembered who I am – A lioness with courage. So, to ‘he who must not be
named’ watch me as I push out my chest and fear the roar that comes from its depths.

Faye Alexandra Rose is a UK based writer studying English Literature and Creative Writing at the University of Worcester. Her work has been published in several online magazines such as; MookychickThe Drabble and the online project Poetry & Covid. She is also a Poetry Editor for small leaf press – a magazine dedicated to giving a voice to undiscovered writers. She can be found on Twitter: @FayeAlexandraR1, or via her website: fayealexandrarose.wordpress.com

Featured image from Unsplash.com from Neonbrand

2 More Poems about Generalized Anxiety Disorder by David L O’Nan

General Anxiety #1

Welcome to your new heel
It is open for you to explore
Sit here in shouts
Stand there in silence
Dodging bullets from an invisible force
Or will it to be an illness
Eating away the grit on my bones
I struggle when I pray
Can I defeat a demon?
When its teasing me
to submit me to its prison
I feel the blink is the only time
I can ride away
Anxiety
Don’t let the ground take me to its mudholes
To struggle to pull,
To push me to the surface
Don’t let me get stuck as non-existent

 

General Anxiety #2

Anxiety in the general form
provides worries and,
also don’t cares.
You are a rebel as well
as the child hiding from stares
and conversations…
not only tear up when sensitive,
but also feel the ripping within your skin.
Nerves that are erratic
and spin dancing into your pores…
trying not to drown
in your moments of incompetence.
You can be treated like a numb brain
depleted of all thought…
sometimes your words and grammar,
or dialect are not as artistic as how you feel.
“Look at me…
I’m the goof child of a scarecrow and a
rainstorm ”
you may feel like you are an ego
in the clear egg shell
Screaming for help to break me through.
Embarrassed?
Or how it has always been.
Until the next thought brings you
to that of an evergreen field
cast blindly in beauty by the sunset…
erecting safe shadows onto the roads.
Even gravel is smooth
when your mind is reshaped
from danger back to acceptance.1935333_177826039539_6732903_n