Poem: Black Umbrellas by David L O’Nan

selective focus photography of black umbrella

Photo by Thomas Charters (unsplash)

Black Umbrellas

A violence on the scene
Through all the smoke
Buzzards and wet vultures
From teardrop crystals
To the sheets of rain
Cutting me
Or is it blades again?
Again, there are the blades.
Some friends taught me faith,
Others troll through robberies of the Holy Ghost Parades
in unlucky towns.
There are no celebrations
In double barrels, in pollution.
In chains, fading cliffs
Some friends are still walking by churches with black umbrellas
A matter of sacrifice.

Links to eic David L O’Nan’s interview & short poems from “Lost Reflections” on Wombwell Rainbow Blog

 “Before the Bridges Fell” by me David L O’Nan Poetry book is out today on Cajun Mutt Press 

Available Now: Before I Turn Into Gold Inspired by Leonard Cohen Anthology by David L O’Nan & Contributors w/art by Geoffrey Wren

Bending Rivers: The Poetry & Stories of David L O’Nan out now! 

Fevers of the Mind founder bio: David L O’Nan (WolfPack Contributor) 

*Announcements” Fevers of the Mind Issue 5: Overcome Anthology is out

The U.S. Link https://amzn.to/38fVhno

The U.K. Link https://amzn.to/3gDz7Qt

https://gofund.me/765879f5 email feversofthemind@gmail.com in subject put amount donated (I can verify) which issues you want (pdfs) Fevers of the Mind Press Presents the poets of 2020 is at least $5 itself due to the size. Overcome is at least $3 due to it coming

Overcome includes: Fevers of the Mind 5: Overcome is the 5th Anthology for poetry, writing that generally themes of anxiety, social justice,
overcoming adversities and more. Fevers of the Mind has been built on this concept of fully understanding great writing, creativity, mental health therapy and showcase wonderful poets and writers. Faye Alexandra Rose, HLR, Lisa Mary Armstrong, Charlotte Hamrick, Z.R. Ghani, Kushal Poddar, Lawrence Moore, R.D. Johnson, Paul Brookes, Stephen Allen, HilLesha O’Nan, David L O’Nan, M.S. Evans, Annest Gwilym, Pasithea Chan, Matthew da Silva, Rosie Johnston, Amanda Crum, Barney Ashton-Bullock, Elisabeth Horan, Peach Delphine, Coby Daniels, Rose Knapp, A.R. Salandy, Tim Heerdink, Catrice Greer, Margaret Viboolsittiseri, Martins Deep, Stephen J Golds, Anisha Kaul, James Diaz, Charles K. Carter, Linda M. Crate, Vicky Allen, Charlotte Oliver, Ryan Flett, Samantha Terrell, Robin McNamara, Anneka Chambers, Maxine Rose Munro, Gayle J. Greenlea, Elizabeth M Castillo, Sarika Jaswani, Sarra Culleno, Ethan McGuire, Georgia Hilton, Briony Collins, Bruce McRae, Shiksha Dheda, Michael Igoe, Dai Fry, Scott Christopher Beebe & more

All contributions go back into this website & hopefully able to put out more content because of this. The more you send the more pdfs I will send out to you.

Fevers of the Mind Poetry & Art Digest (June 2019 Book 1)

1st issue includes interviews with Paul Gilmartin of Mental Illness Happy Hour, Aaron Tanner of Melodic Virtue Books, and Kentucky Poet Legend Ron Whitehead. Contributions by Tianna Hansen, Paul Rowe, Kristin Garth, Helena Fools, Scott Christopher Beebe, Abuh Monday Eneojo, Guy Farmer, Eli Horan, Guy Farmer, Rockshow Gimmicks, Heidi Miller Krause, Kara Beth Rasure, Roberto Zariskeeni, Jerry Masterson, Kimberly Cunningham, Christopher (C.L.) Belcher, John Everex, David G Lee, Amanda McLeod, Neel Trivedi, Jennifer Hibbs, Al Matheson, Christopher Osswald, Linda Crate, Elizabeth York Dickinson, John Ogunlade, Matthew Calmes, Matt Seeley, Paul Gilmartin, Aaron Tanner, Ron Whitehead, Mary Jones, Ruth Cheruto, Hillary Behsharam, Juliette Sebock, Anne Paulet, Chloe Gorman, Abigail Swire, Anna Nash aka diD (c) Kaleidoscope, Christian Gould, Megha Sood, Samuel Guest, Colin James, Stephen Morgan Woodworth, Jinn Bug, Hillesha D O’Nan, David L O’Nan

Poetry, Short Stories, Interviews, Art, Photography with interweaving moods of humor, anxiety, happiness, love, sadness, mental health awareness, hope, faith. Many creative poets, artists, photographers, lyricists in each issue. Issue 2 includes interviews with Brett Siler of Rebore Records, Jessie Lynn McMains Poetry/Editor at Bone & Ink Press, Matthew M C Smith, Brunette Glassco, Judge Santiago Burdon, Rachael Ikins, Justin Karcher, Helena Fools, Jackie Chou, Akapo Elizabeth, Christopher Osswald, Amanda “Enola” Reeves, Elizabeth Moura, Barbara Avon, Anne Paulet scripta 21, Anna Nash kaleidoscope diD, John Everex, George Miller, Stephen Watt, Ceinwen E. Cariad Haydon, Scott Christopher Beebe, Jennifer Hibbs, Jennifer Carr, Juleigh Howard-Hobson, Rachel Cunniffe, Kushal Poddar, December Lace, J Matthew Waters, David Fladger, Ana Lorenza Jimenez, Lynn White, Norb Aikin, Doug Polk, ps pirro, Anna Rozwadowska, Ellen Kirkman, Demi Whitnell, Paul Brookes, JDG, Jesse Falodun, Jamie Routley, Rickey Rivers Jr, Robin Ray, Ulane Vuorio, Samantha Merz, Abuh Monday Eneojo, John Ogunlade, Amanda McLeod, Neel Trivedi, Paul Robert Mullen, David Milburn, Pasithea Chan, Michelle Nadasi, Megha Sood, David L O’Nan, Hillesha O’Nan, Roberto Zariskeeni, Paul S Rowe, Eric Valor

Fevers of the Mind Poetry Digest Issue 3: The Darkness and the Light by [David  O'Nan, Hillesha O'Nan, David O'Nan]

Fevers of the Mind Poetry Digest Issue 3 the Darkness & the Light contributors include Hillesha O’Nan, David L O’Nan, Cee Martinez, Scott Christopher Beebe, Peach Delphine, Richard Waring, JP Meador, Stephen Sherman, Jack Bowman, John Everex, Ann Hultberg, Matt Duggan, Cara Bovaird, Foy Timms, Megha Sood, Ulane Vuorio, Raine Geoghegan, Iona Murphy, Kaitlyn Luckow, Ivan Peledov, Joan McNerney, Karen Mooney, Rumillenial Poetry, Niles Reddick, Jackie Chou, Jennifer Criss, Linda Crate, Chris Maxwell, etc

Close your eyes and meditate on what was this year.2020 became the most difficult year for most humanity to handle –Emotionally, mentally, socially, physicallyThe many challenges have caused the world to spin in all these hardships.Resulting in both the best in humanity, but also an influx of bullying Amongst the people. Civil Unrest, bigotry, racism, conspiracies, a plague among us that many rejects and spread without fears of the outcome. As thousands if not millions began to die. The excuses and lies spread through the governmental figures.They were not ready to handle or unwilling to handle what their narcissism would not allow them to handle.Many sick, many deprived, many feeling unwanted by their country, unable to trust figures to help them feel safe & secure in an unknown world.Through this year. The ebbs and flows of creativity have hit. Sometimes you can’t do anything but stare at walls and ponder life. Sometimes though, we began to write, write about what is real, what is ideal, and writing can be therapeutic when you need it. The following is the Poets of 2020. Survivors through thought. Interviews, Essays, Poetry, Prose, Sonnets, Prayers, Memories, Dreams, Uniting, Eradicating fears, Living instead of Dying. We will come through and get over this foggy road.Just a Poetry Anthology really with an interview with musician Austin Lucas. Featured Poets: Ankh Spice, Steve Denehan, & Jenny Mitchell. Spotlight Poets Catrice Greer, December Lace, Kari Flickinger, Kushal Poddar, Raine Geoghegan Megha Sood, Damien Donnelly, Linda Crate, Matthew M C Smith & Black Bough Poetry, Icefloe Press with Robert Kenter & Moira J Saucer, Mela Blust and dozens of other poets & writers. A Massive collection. Contributors: Troy Jackson, David L O’Nan, Ankh Spice, Hokis, HilLesha O’Nan, Susan Richardson, Catrice Greer, A.R. Salandy, Sher Ting, the Poetry Question, Chris Margolin, Norb Aikin, Jenna Faccenda, December Lace, Ken Tomaro, Kushal Poddar, Ethan Jacob O’Nan, Tan Tzy Jiun, Icefloe Press, Robert Frede Kenter, Moira J Saucer, David Hanlon, Amy Barnes, Jason DeKoff, Darren Demaree, Abdulmueed Balogun, Steve Wheeler, Raine Geoghegan, Jim Young, Bradley Galimore, Anisha Kaul, Tim Heerdink, Damien Donnelly, Maggs Vibo, Mela Blust, Kristin Garth, Rickey Rivers Jr, Foy Timms, Jackie Chou, David Ralph Lewis, Paul Brookes, David Hay, Austin Lucas, Kari Flickinger, Sidney Mansueto, John Ogunlade, Lawrence Moore, Karen Mooney, Jenny Mitchell, Z.D. Dicks, Will Davis, Julie Stevens, Mukung Gnanadesikan, Gail Sheridan, James Lilley, Samantha Merz, Richard Waring, Iona Murphy, Vern Fein, Gerald Jatzek, Ediney Santana, KC Bailey, Samuel Strathman, Rachael Itkins, Mike Whiting, Linda Crate, Steve Denehan, Samantha Terrell, Peter Hague, Al Matheson, E Samples, Ann Hultberg, Ceinwed C E Haydon, Jane Dougherty, Michael Igoe, Will Schmit, Dai Fry, Megha Sood, Barney Ashton-Bullock, M.S. Evans, John Everex, Maxine Rose Munro, Jane Rosenberg LaForge, Lacresha Hall, Lucy Whitehead, Merril Smith, Kelly Marie McDonough, Gabe Louis Matthew M C Smith, Black Bough Poetry & more.

This bookzine is a book dedicated to the Inspiration of Leonard Cohen has left on many lives. Poetry, Quotes, Artwork photos, stories. It has been 3 years since his passing, and it is still hard to come to full grip with this. Contributors include Geoffrey Wren, Paul Robert Mullen, Attracta Fahy, John Everex, Lennon Stravato, Joan Hawkins, Christina Strigas, ps Pirro, Sarah Marquez, Xerado, Norb Aikin, Ediney-Santana, Neel Trivedi, Amanda McLeod, Robert Frede Kenter, Jack Bowman, Ryan De Leon from Sons & Daughters Journal, Ellen Kirkman, Greg Santos, Kari Ann Flickinger, John W Leys, Pavlina Marie, Amy Barnes, Michael Igoe, Kushal Poddar, Gerald Jatzek, David Mellor, Ankh Spice, David Grant Lee, Shauna McGuiness, Peter Hague, Samantha Merz, Tim Heerdink, Madison McSweeney, Kimberly Cunningham, Barney Ashton Bullock, David L O’Nan, Hillesha O’Nan

“Before the Bridges Fell” by me David L O’Nan Poetry book is out today on Cajun Mutt Press

Available Now: Before I Turn Into Gold Inspired by Leonard Cohen Anthology by David L O’Nan & Contributors w/art by Geoffrey Wren

Bending Rivers: The Poetry & Stories of David L O’Nan out now!

Fevers of the Mind founder bio: David L O’Nan (WolfPack Contributor)

A Fevers of the Mind Quick-9 Interview with EIC of Fevers of the Mind David L O’Nan

davidlonan1 – Fevers of the Mind

with David L O’Nan (interviewing himself?)

Q1: When did you start writing and first influences?

David: I believe I began writing after having my older brother read his poetry to me. I would constantly read his stuff. He was always obsessed with song lyrics (Prince, U2, The Cure, The Smiths, The Beatles, etc) I really got into the Beatles around 12 years old, and began to write bad love songs & songs against war that were pretty cheesy. I’ve always had a storytelling imagination. I began reading Anne Sexton as a teenager and always have been a big song lyric absorber. With A.D.D. I wasn’t always the most patient with reading.

Q2: Who are your biggest influences today? Well once I started writing & reading aloud more at coffeehouses, I began learning & reading more poetry & writers. Burroughs, Kerouac, Sylvia Plath, Tom Waits, Townes Van Zandt, Phil Ochs, Bob Dylan, my favorite Leonard Cohen, Ilya Kaminsky, so many contemporaries I interact with in the Poetry & Writing Community.

Q3: Any pivotal moment when you knew you wanted to be a writer?

David: I still want to be a writer/poet. I am still learning at 41 years old the ins and outs. I guess I had that inkling around 12, then again at 20 writing angsty stuff (mad about women letting me down) and then 24/25 when I began frequenting a coffeehouse in Evansville. I began writing a scrapped up novel “The Bible Belt Bachelor” in the same vain as “On the Road” I had a break in writing through most of my 30s and then when my dad got sick with ALS I began writing more & more. Self published some stuff & began Fevers of the Mind.

Q4: Who has helped you most with writing?

David: My brother, my wife, the Penny Lane Coffeehouse, Reading aloud for several years (not so much anymore), Jean Kizer, Jerry Masterson, Heidi Krause, Twitter vss 365 getting me motivated again, Poetry Community, Leonard Cohen

Q5: Where did you grow up and how did that influence your writing & did any travels away from home influence your work?

David: I grew up in a small town in Kentucky called Sebree.

So, I do have many poems based on small town living in a Southern/Midwestern town. I carry over some personality (ies) from the town and interact them into new characters and situations at times. I have lived in Evansville, Indiana most of my adult life & now in Henderson, KY and I still write the same way. Perspectives from where i’m writing from doesn’t necessarily come from where i’m living. I have visited & lived for a short time in New Orleans, so much of my big city themed poetry comes from time living there, or visiting Nashville, Louisville, Lexington, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Bloomington and other Midwestern cities/towns.

Q6: What do you consider your most meaningful work you’ve done creatively so far to you?

David: This will be a slightly weird answer. I helped contribute poems to an anthology about ALS “Voices for the Cure” ran by Paul Rowe and the late Eric Valor. I am unsure if it ever came out, but the poems I placed in there are about my father and his battle with ALS. Some of these poems have seen the light of day in my self published work or also on this site. 2 poems by David L O’Nan about my father’s battle with ALS in 2016

I’m also proud of my poems that I’ve since revised for the upcoming Leonard Cohen anthology which the first versions of the poems were in the first Leonard Cohen Anthology “Avalanches in Poetry Writings & Art Inspired by Leonard Cohen) All of the poems (revised) from Avalanches in Poetry Writings & Art Inspired by Leonard Cohen by David L O’Nan

I’m also proud of my most recent poems that have been published online. “By the Almond Tree” in Anti-Heroin Chic Mag Check out my poem “By the Almond Tree” currently in the new issue of Anti-Heroin Chic (heroinchic.weebly.com)

My beat poem “Clearly” I wrote in 2005ish after reading Ginsberg for a couple of minutes Poem by David L O’Nan : “Clearly!” (2005) (Poetry, writings)

And my story poem “I Honoured You in Pennyrile Forest” a Best of the Net Nominee last year from Icefloe Press

https://icefloepress.net/2020/03/03/five-poems-by-david-o-nan/

I’m very proud of the community I’ve helped shape together with many writers for this site with active contributors, interviews, the Fevers of the Mind Poetry Digest Issues/Anthologies.

Q7: Favorite activities to relax?

David: General Anxiety/ADD/OCD/parenthood…relax? I try to read some, I watch wrestling, basketball, listen to music like crazy, taking walks with my wife, play in the park with my kids. Youtube wormholes, research/history.

Q8: What is a favorite line/stanza from a poem of yours or others?

David: From Leonard Cohen’s “Stories From the Street”

We are so small between the stars
So large against the sky
And lost among the subway crowds

I try to catch your eye

Q9: Any recent or forthcoming projects that you’d like to promote?

David: Why Sure! Thanks for asking…ummm Fevers of the Mind Anthology Issue 5: Overcome will be coming out soon (currently editing) I have 6 self-published books that i’m revising (added pics to the poems, changing them up some, some revised poems) “The Famous Poetry Outlaws are Painting Walls and Whispers” “Our Fears in Tunnels” “Taking Pictures in the Dark” “New Disease Streets” “The Cartoon Diaries” “Lost Reflections” still on Amazon currently…will be replaced by new versions when announced. Stay tuned. Raw forms of these books are still out there for now. There are several past issues of Fevers of the Mind Poetry Digest: Issue 1 (June 2019) under Fevers of the Mind Poetry & Art Digest, Fevers of the Mind Issue 2 In Memoriam, Fevers of the Mind Issue 3: The Darkness & the Light, Fevers of the Mind Press Presents the Poets of 2020, the aforementioned Leonard Cohen inspired Avalanches in Poetry Writings & Art Inspired by Leonard Cohen with artwork from Geoffrey Wren Wonderful Artwork from Avalanches in Poetry Writings & Art Inspired by Leonard Cohen by artist/writer Geoffrey Wren

The 2nd Leonard Cohen Anthology will be worked on in the next month “Before I Turn Into Gold” and also Fevers of the Mind Anthologies will be coming out at least every other month as far as I can keep it going.

Personally, I have more poems/stories coming out soon with Icefloe Press. A project on facebook “Curved Air” edited by Theresa Haffner. Possibly something with the Midwest Writers Guild. I’ve recently had work in Anti-Heroin Chic, Punk Noir Magazine. In the past I’ve had stuff in 3 Moon, Nymphs Publishing, Royal Rose Magazine, Elephants Never, Headline Poetry & Press, Dark Marrow, Voices for the Cure ALS Anthology, Spillwords, Ghost City Press, a feature in Cajun Mutt Press, I’ve had some stuff of mine read by Damien Donnelly on his podcast “Eat the Storms” https://eatthestorms.com/ and will have more read by Damien in a couple of weeks. Stay tuned!

I don’t send too much out due to RSD and I put tons of time in editing, writing, my brain scrambling in and out of exhaustion. Follow us on twitter @feversof @davidLONan1 Facebook Author Page is DavidLONan1 (I don’t use it much) I don’t have Instagram…sorry.

Here are some links:

There are a million I think on this site… just search my name if interested in my poems.

https://headlinepoetryandpress.com/author/feversofthemindfa86cd6e60/

https://punknoirmagazine.com/2021/07/05/4-poems-by-david-l-onan/

https://thepoetryquestion.com/2020/02/05/tpq5-david-l-onan/

https://nymphspublications.com/new-blog/miracle-white-by-david-l-onan

https://www.blackboughpoetry.com/freedom-rapture-edition (a review by me about this within)

https://cajunmuttpress.wordpress.com/2021/07/24/c-m-p-saturday-special-feature/

https://amzn.to/3Alh74S

https://amzn.to/3xC1Hr8

https://amzn.to/3jEUGAR

https://amzn.to/3lMJeWM

https://amzn.to/3lIMJxm

https://eatthestorms.com/2020/11/07/eat-the-storms-the-podcast-episode-10/

https://www.facebook.com/davidlonan1/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18366060.David_L_O_Nan

https://ghostcitypress.com/poetry-60/2019/8/2/david-l-onan

https://nymphspublications.com/new-blog/wild-hearts-by-david-l-onan

http://heroinchic.weebly.com/blog/poetry-by-david-l-onan

https://icefloepress.net/six-poems-from-new-disease-streets-by-david-l-onan-w-a-digital-collage-by-robert-frede-kenter/

https://royalrosemagazine.com/2019/10/30/issue-four-unrequited-love/

“Before the Bridges Fell” by me David L O’Nan Poetry book is out today on Cajun Mutt Press

Available Now: Before I Turn Into Gold Inspired by Leonard Cohen Anthology by David L O’Nan & Contributors w/art by Geoffrey Wren

Bending Rivers: The Poetry & Stories of David L O’Nan out now!

Fevers of the Mind founder bio: David L O’Nan (WolfPack Contributor)

4 poems by Karen Mooney from Fevers of the Mind Anthologies”PTSD” “Broken” “Kintsugi” & “Rich Pickings”

Glass, Shattered, Window, Destruction




PTSD

Guilt, fear, anxiety, strangled by
restraint translates to anger
Blazing like full sun, falling in shame
hiding behind the covers of night

Piercing howls in moonlight
belie the charming macho front
Jovial, authoritative character
The strong silent type, he won't talk

Asks why you want to know
Resents his own body's ruthless
betrayal of his darkest secrets
yet he takes them out, on you

Broken

I found you this morning,
all folded up, tucked in
at the back of my mind's drawer
The one marked 'do not open'

Perhaps, it wasn't closed
tightly enough, over filled
contents ready to spill
if touched by hoping

You appeared in jewelry boxes
cards, photos, concert tickets;
in a souvenir mug that cannot be
held; its handle long since broken

Kintsugi
for Stanley

Smashed on life's floor
our jagged edges
made handling difficult.

Confidence and strength drained
through the fractures, hairline cracks
and missing pieces.

Tenderly and courageously
we gathered the shards
of ourselves, repairing,
filling gaps with a lustre
to celebrate the transient
imperfect nature of life

A marriage of elements,
handled with care;
creating a vessel of hope

*Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold - built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art*

Rich Pickings

You escaped the landed gentry
where your beauty graced halls and walls;
pursued by men eager to demonstrate
their prowess; but you, game enough
to leave, took a flight to lesser lands.

A migrant at heart, you could fend,
plumping up when not driven to flee,
settling to raise a family.

But, caught up in the business of life,
your head elsewhere, crossing
the road proved treacherous.

An iridescent sheen, purple and green
clothed your fragile body, your neck,
circled in pearl, lay bent and broken.

A game old bird; even in death,
you were viewed as rich pickings
for the buzzard who stood over you.


Bio from 2020
Karen's poetry has been published in USA, UK and Ireland. Most recent publications include Fevers of the Mind, Re-Side Zine, Spillwords Press, Poetry NI's Four x Four, Pendemic.ie, A New Ulster and the Honest Ulsterman. A joint pamphlet Penned In with local poet, Gaynor Kane has recently been released by The Hedgehog Poetry Press. 

https://www.amazon.com/Penned-Karen-Mooney/dp/1913499545/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=karen+mooney+poetry&qid=1621605659&sr=8-1 



Poetry Feature for Linda M. Crate from the Anthologies

holding onto dreams

I remember
being bullied as a child
for everything:
being shy, my weight,
the color of my eyes,
my laugh, my refusal to
drink underage,
my clothes, my sensitivity—
anything perceived as weakness
was a weapon they’d use
against me,
it wasn’t until my uncle
took his own life
I realized that i didn’t want to die
just wanted the pain inside
of me to wither away like a flower before winter;
and I feel so guilty for being so lost
inside my own pain
that I didn’t realize he had struggles
of his own—
but he told me to chase my dreams
relentlessly and never let them go,
and so, I am here holding onto this anthem;
hoping one day I can make him proud.

check on the strong ones

I never want anyone to feel
so lonely, so empty, so useless,
unwanted or unnecessary as I did;
and so, I am the friend that will always
be there no matter how bad
it is for my own mental health—
the friend that will always make you
laugh and help when she can, the one who
will never tell you her struggles,
the one who says she’s fine when
she’s really not;
you all need to remember to check
in on your strong friends
because sometimes even our knees buckle
sometimes we cannot tell you the well rehearsed
lie that we are fine
sometimes our bones are heavy and our hearts
become stone leading us to the bottoms of oceans—
sometimes we need help lifting ourselves out of the waters
of our fevered minds, sometimes we need someone
brave enough to face mountains that are not theirs to face,
someone who will listen instead of waiting to speak

For as Long as I Remain

when i think of home
i imagine house
of my parents,
they live in a place with
an ageless face
whose beauty sighs in clouds
and blue skies and trees tall as
skyscrapers;
it is in the fields and forests i spent
a lot of time growing up—
the loner no one understood
unraveled herself in thick puffs of white clouds,
endless blue skies,
choruses of rambling creeks and babbling brooks,
in fields of orange wild lilies growing by the side
of the road,
in the wings of butterflies and crows;
there is peace to be found in the heart of this place
so i focus on those memories when i can
because not every memory is potatoes and gravy
some are heavy stones i try to chisel away—
but in nature i found pieces of me
that music and books couldn’t give,
and a peace that will cleanse me for as
long as i remain.


You’re Always There

when i remember home
it is inevitable
that i remember you
i wish sometimes
the rain could wash away
past memories,
but you are in my recollection;
in my bones
haunting me over and over—
when will it ever be
enough for you?
you hunger for something
that was never yours,
and i told you no;
but you tried to take it anyway—
then at college,
when i was finally loosening my petals,
beginning to feel safe
you found me;
“i bet you don’t remember me”, you grinned
all i could do was stare like a doe
caught in the headlights
of a vehicle
gutted by a ruthless hunter
hungry for blood
no matter the cost—
why couldn’t you leave me alone?
the forced kisses i insisted
you didn’t take,
the attempted rape;
now when someone tells me
i have a pretty smile it’s a trigger
and you are shooting over me
over and over again
until all i want to do is crawl
into the bones of a past self so you
cannot torment the current me—
it never works,
you’re always there.

This Place Isn’t Mine

i miss living in the town i grew up in, home cooked meals and dusty dirt roads; a village
of trees and stalks of corn taller than me—there were always adventures to be had in the
woods, always secrets the wind would tell me; i would always uncover some new
mythology of my name and bones—i miss being able to wake up to a sunrise and see a
sunset clearly, where the hustle of city life wasn’t so predominant; a place where i didn’t
feel threatened simply by existing—i miss the moments spent in tranquil nature, listening
to crowsong and dancing beneath the moon; visits to the beach or standing in the creek,
hearing the psalms of trees—i don’t like this place of endless sidewalks, buildings, and
the omnipresent arrival and departure of vehicles; i like the music of the country better: the mooing cows, the cawing crow, the songbirds, the barking dogs, and singing crickets;
everything is better than the constant beeping and whirring of people focused on being
somewhere other than where they are—i just want to wrap myself up until i can be
husked and boiled away from this place and come out shimmering, new, beautiful, and
reformed.

i understand why

found a puzzle piece
of me
you all tried to keep
hidden from me
all these
moons,
and i understand why;
the dark feminine says respect me
or perish
so the lot of you’d be dead
for all the disrespect you’ve always
dished me—
but I’ve stepped into
my power and magic,
and i feel more secure about
myself than i ever have;
it is easy to make an insecure girl
bend to your whim and will
and make her doubt herself until she
succumbs and obeys—
but i am no longer that little girl
who is terrified,
i have become the terror that will haunt
you in your nightmares;
i will not apologize because you should’ve
apologized for not accepting me as i was.


the girl that loved you died

my heart was a wilted flower,
and you plucked the petals;
let me bleed for a love you refused
to reciprocate because you were
taken with your fantasies of me
rather than who i really was—
had a lust that killed me,
but i rose from the ashes of your chaos
on these mighty flaming wings;
a phoenix whose tears may heal but her
fires burn
immortal of the flame
ancient daughter of the moon—
i am a warrior
always have been,
my rebellious nature and sharp tongue
have gotten me into trouble;
but i refuse to be
tamed—
wild as a forest fire and hurricane
you will never find anything but ruin should you
stand in the way of me and my dreams,
and so i recommend you stay far away from
my kingdom;
because the girl that loved you
died
and the dark feminine stands in her place
this dark phoenix will be your end

they say i’m aggressive

i am always told i am aggressive,
but why can’t a woman be fierce?
why should i apologize for the fact that
i won’t be taken advantage of?
got a sharp wit and a sharp tongue,
and whilst i can be flowers and compassion
i am also raging storms and lightening strikes;

a magic that no one understands
i am hecate’s daughter—

everyone misunderstands me
as they do my friends the crows and ravens,
but that makes me no less a queen;

i was born at night
the darkness doesn’t scare me
because i know how to survive the darkness

sometimes it is the light that is more terrifying
because you never know if it is a false dream
or a betrayer who is a fallen devil singing
the songs of an angel—

but i am a spooky queen
you shouldn’t cross me
because i dance with all the rage and wrath
of the witches, you burned in my family
eons ago,
and i am a woman you cannot burn;
a phoenix whose flaming wings and talons

can rip you to ruin.

there’ll be a rematch

i was lost in a dark limbo
hurt to think of love or you or anything

wanted to close my eyes,
thought of how pretty it would be
to observe the creek from
beneath the water;

i was suffering a deep depression
that almost swallowed me whole
except my family and friends refused to give up
on me no matter how sad or angry i was—

you claimed you loved me,
but love isn’t supposed to be an ache
that rips you apart until you feel like
a broken sunset
tripping over clouds until your light
fizzles into night;

i lost our child and your love and all respect
for myself because i thought you cheating on me
made me less beautiful and i saw an ogre
every time i looked into the mirror—

but, darling, you were the monster;
you woke the monster in me, too—

one day there will be
a rematch,
you’ll lose.


longer than i remember

i may be strange and unusual,
but i am in the land of the living;
full of so many worlds and characters
it could take centuries to unravel
them all from every universe of me—

people get lonely being alone,
not me;
i am actually addicted to it

silence is much preferable
to small talk—

and with all these ideas, i have,
i’m never truly alone;
even when no one is here
the words keep me company

no one seems to understand that—

they tell me i need someone,
but i have always had to lean on myself
for strength because no one has
ever been there for me;

so why do i need another person?

they say ultra-independence
is a sign of trauma,
but i already know because i’ve been
suffering with pstd and trust issues
longer than i can remember.

From Linda:
The themes of my latest chapbook center around rebirth, reincarnation, and learning from the past. It speaks upon how events from past lives can still impact us today, and sometimes looking and learning from the past can actually make us stronger. It is about overcoming emotional trauma and embracing the inner warrior and fighting for a better future.
Follow Linda on twitter @thysilverdoe
Check out her latest poetry chapbook “The Samurai”

Bio: Linda M. Crate (she/her) is a Pennsylvanian writer. Her works have been published in numerous magazines and anthologies both online and in print. She is the author of ten poetry chapbooks, the latest being: Hecate’s Child (Alien Buddha Publishing, November 2021). She’s also the author of the novella Mates (Alien Buddha Publishing, March 2022). She has three micro-poetry collections out:  Heaven Instead (Origami Poems Project, May 2018), moon mother (Origami Poems Project, March 2020.), and & so i believe (Origami Poems Project, April 2021). She has published four full-length poetry collections Vampire Daughter (Dark Gatekeeper Gaming, February 2020), The Sweetest Blood (Cyberwit, February 2020), Mythology of My Bones (Cyberwit, August 2020), and you will not control me (Cyberwit, March 2021).

4 poems by Linda M. Crate : “The Choice is Yours” “So I Would Never Fail” “I Love Being a Woman” & “They’ll Hold Everything Against You”

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