An Old Dancer’s Memories of Youth by David L O’Nan

Ballet Dancer, Ballet, Old-Fashioned

An Old Dancer’s Memories of Youth

In a melting synthetic glow
Eyes shallow, following shadows 
Crying in the underbelly of the circus 
Dancing on top of a burning cloud
Dancing over the feet of fools, 
clinging to their sticky bodies with your clammy hands. 
Your smooth swaying hands
You old, dancing spirit
Born several years after the year of desire

Remember those top hat daddies and the beer stench cigars Tattered clothes that rip from the dance
In the mornings you would awake nude in the arms of a hairy giant
Those nights before you went to sleep held tightly in the drunk arms of a dwarf.
You poked your head out of the bathroom
Then you smiled, your short red curly hair popping around your head
Dancing scantily  in  a  plaid  swimsuit, 
talking  like  Ann-
Margret
“Who wants a classy lady?”
“Who dares to want the R-rated femme?”

Remember all the phone calls from the gentlemen, 
the doo- hickeys, the born out of the trash bins
The bruised greasers with the cologne smells?
Oh, now remember then the tire swing, 
tied  around a 
weathered tree in your grandparent’s yard?
You rolled around in the clover, 
looked eye to eye with a monarch butterfly.
You asked if it had ever met Cinderella before 
You tried to kiss it when the dinner bell rang

Mmmm…cold cuts, mashed potatoes, chug-a-lug milk, 
Corn beef hash & hot muffins
Grandpa has outdone himself again
Scrappy and toasty he was in his chicken feather kitchen 
Grandma singing Bessie Smith to an owl magnet -
on the
 fridge
Remember all those circus clown Uncles 
who used to eat the peanut butter straight from the mason jars, drank all the whiskey?

That one who told you that you were sprouting a hint of a mustache even though you were pre-pubescent.
You rushed to your ghost filled room, 
and smoked your 4th ever cigarette
Flicking ashes at the dog you hated You put on your ballerina shoes
And there you are again, you dancer, you movie star 
Dancing into the toyboxes filled with teddy bears with
cheese stained hair.

Bruising your knees even more
Tap into the kitchen, breathing maple syrup air, 
burnt pancakes on the kitchen counter.
You’re too busy drawing freckles on the ugly baby dolls and hiding from the chattering echoes surrounding the kitchen table.
You borrowed your cousin’s little red wagon to push around
the dog that you liked
The golden retriever pup you named Baryshnikov.

That same red wagon you pushed your little boyfriends in,
sharing M&M’s
The same red wagon you procured from the cellar on a drunken night or two in the teenage years
Pushed hormone driven pimp wannabes in, calling them assholes.

Remember telling stories to the rest of the crowds in the bars?
Telling them how much you hate life after 30
But, then how much you loved beating the infancy, 
the illnesses of an earlier mind
That belched out maturity and left only a toothless smile with knowledge.
And how much you enjoyed each Summertime tan despite how much your skin became leather.

How you rediscovered your gift of dancing as you began dropping your credit cards into the laps of thieves.
They made sure they took you home on those nights,
To take advantage of a liquored dream.
Meanwhile the dancing was more like a scene from Grey Gardens.
A truck driver would chew on a peppered steak stick 
and hoot and holler.

But, they were just a heart juggler
Played with fire while you dreamt in gold.
So, was it worth it?
Dropping tears into the stale cotton candy 
As the curtain closes
All the rings will fade to black 
The spotlight is on you
Dance away or act shy, it’s your final call.

Wolfpack Contributor EIC Bios:  David L O’Nan & HilLesha O’Nan

Poem “Alone In My Car” by David L O’Nan

EIC: David L O’Nan is the Saturday Feature on Cajun Mutt Press with old storytelling poetry







Poetry from David L O’Nan in Fevers of the Mind Issue 3 The Darkness & the Light (Nov 2019)

The Mystery of Mount Sterling

They washed the blood 
From the rocks to the seas
A wall of towers
Crash to the ashes of banging drums 
Still heard in rumbling hungers
Of Mount Sterling
In the orphanages, in the cries of lost land,
We can now march as the spark off the re-energized phantoms.


Say goodbye in hallucinations
Where we saw Heaven in a viewmaster
In the distances, in the hint of the kingdom
But, when do we begin running towards the golden flash?


Captured me, erased me
Severed the ties of cultures and families 
Washed me in the clots
And left me there a mystery
Waiting for the crows to connect the dots.
Your Stare
I climbed out of your watch, your stare 
And stopped time
To erase hours that leave me bare
To age defacing me
To the crippling of the bones
I will be resurrected as the spotted falling leaves.

Sleight of Hand

My blood is an old soul
That should be pumping through a robotic poet from classic times
If I’m breathing, you will hear me
When I’m not, you may hear me more
How else can you see these supposed fast-moving clouds dream –
As slow motion tantras through a heartless sky? 
This current world is too loud for me,
Yet it isn’t nearly loud enough
The art is secluded
The arteries are clogged,
Filled with supernovas and suffering 
And they call this a sleight of hand.

Come Possess Me in the Rain

The conduits all say that I invented myth 
and magic all in one breath.
There is a mist in the cold air
On a Greenwich Village Halloween night 
I can not feel the electricity
Only the forceful druids, and the chanting wish of death


They hold me up and say 
"Come Possess me in the rain" 
Licks the cold steel to my skull 
Possess me, with me
Real and muted by the shame 
In an execution style parade
What is the impression of a concrete stain?


They are practicing Shakespeare
They are faux Warholas and bohemians in sunglasses 
Without a notion of care
And I’m in this shadow that you feel at the river
Cold to the touch, blood like paste
The arrows kill the stars in the nuclear waste 
In the air, decaying the ground

Now I’m expected to love all
As I’m pierced to these skyscrapers
Bound and bullied
My hands shaking off frost
It takes every breath in my lungs to 
Release all my cowardice and all the vapors

Like this militant view of my skewering 
They drop me off like unused flesh 
Love was only the invention
Off the roots of an untimely reptilian dream 
And hate grew in the garden
And shook the city lights to the seas
There isn’t a Picasso left


Digging up from the cracks
I crawl up through Cherry Lane 
And I watch all the faints
And my nerves constantly dance an alarm 
I am rushed in my steps
I am hushed in the slivers of my brain


In my mind that never sleeps
In my possession they fed off for years 
I can only find truth and humanity
And live like I’m the Palomino
Dodging in and out of the hustling of fear



Wolfpack Contributor EIC Bios:  David L O’Nan & HilLesha O’Nan

Short Poems by David L O’Nan

Poems by David L O’Nan : A Prince Was Born on Chartreuse Street & short poems

EIC: David L O’Nan is the Saturday Feature on Cajun Mutt Press with old storytelling poetry

These stories/poems/writing series were done around 2005/2006. The Bible Belt Bachelor originally was a book I was writing and eventually got bored writing since I had the whole book done in my mind, but had to do all the work. I guess when I was 24, I wasn’t quite ready to do that. I eventually chopped up what I wrote, and yet had fully written out and made several poems from the scraps. I also was writing several poem series at this time and the News Stand, a series of poems about a delusional addict struggling with the battles of mental health, drugs, and depression. The poems are on the link below with Cajun Mutt Press.

https://cajunmuttpress.wordpress.com/2021/07/24/c-m-p-saturday-special-feature/

And check my other links too.

Wolfpack Contributor EIC Bios: David L O’Nan & HilLesha O’Nan

Poem “Alone In My Car” by David L O’Nan

Poem by David L O’Nan : “Cartoon”

3 poems by David L O’Nan : Chameleon or Stallion, The Blood of the North Star & What is American Freedom?

Poem by David L O’Nan : “Clearly!” (2005) (Poetry, writings)

Poems by David L O’Nan : A Prince Was Born on Chartreuse Street & short poems

The Severance of Your Genius (in Little Papercuts) by David L O’Nan (poetry)

All of the poems (revised) from Avalanches in Poetry Writings & Art Inspired by Leonard Cohen by David L O’Nan

Tomorrow’s my birthday so more poetry by David L O’Nan : Poetry Series Chronicles of an 80’s childhood in segments & more

Slightly odd at times Micropoetry by David L O’Nan

Poetry series by David L O’Nan : Dreams as Told by the Aesthetic Sunlight

Several Poems from David L O’Nan from Infinity to Elvis Presley Boyfriends and many poems/stories in between

Infinity

Removed from the fabric,
torn into pieces
Displaced unconsciousness,
and an old smile still shatters a heart
when your mind is poisoned,
when you're cradled up and your flesh is all you feel.
A smile still shatters the heart
You become one in your mind
There are rules to this life
You will be undone by yourself
if you linger on a smile that shatters the heart.
Other plans are in the works
A family awaits
A heart is bandaged up
and repaired and tuned to a loving beat.
Many smiles that have nurtured a heart into love,
into grace, into belief in life
and a dream that there is more to give
to feel like you've never felt before
A resurgence in your inner glow
a return to the depths of energy you shall inherit
In peace we can be
In peace we can be
In peace we can love and be
Infinity


The Bullets Flirting With the Sky

We can’t escape the bullets
So, we just scatter
Into the dark
Forgetting the chase
We want to be learned
We want to be known
By our hearts,
by our souls
If I climb up these stars
And pull each one down
Will it mean a thing?
Or, crumble with the seeds
across the burning dirt
Are you a clown?
Or an armoured knight?
Wearing a mask
Painted up for the party
Sticking to the air is your aura glow
It just stagnates over your last step
Will it follow you home?
Or,
will it be a lonely candle
over some damp windowsill?
He looks down
Applauds my obedience
Say’s I’m scared
He can really tell
So, I will be shy
I will search for gold in the ditches of my soul
And hope that everything
will shine in the end

Immortality 

I was once destroyed outside the mind
I have climbed back in to relight the enigma
I stood still with my hands against the clouds
I pulled the pricks off the sunshine,
and let the solar energy burn into my fingertips
I am the lost soul walking across the heavens
Bare to all,
A crawling infant inside the shell of all that is mortal,
Created, or otherwise
I’m imperfect until all eyes have been shut
A dream that has yet been immortalized
by creation, in realism
A man who never knew his own name,
as in his reason for being
As in his goal which has made into a task,
made by another task, made by a promise
Made for a purpose,
that was never translated in ideal format.
A broken sound
Punctured sonar
Now does he have everything?
That perfection?
That surrounding clouds of truth and answers?
Every step, every movement
Muscle, skeletal,
thought, energy have a blemished scrape
across his aura
A meaning is only a meaning
when a search begins,
Ends with a soul wanting to know
more truths than answers
Questions will be the enveloping claw
that massages our minds into immortality.


Cramp

I’ve got a cramp
Lucid dreaming as a ghost for the first time
No longer, wanderer, or moldy faced drifters
We lifted our veil revealing for the first time -
As the shakened devil doll that eluded crimson,
Milked the brain of the universe.
Joining the slime from all the blisters
Going go-go illicit into tragedy
Built from sunlight and soft skin
Sin broken out of thought
Displayed for the shadows to celebrate
A repugnant escapade
We, unity over sadness
Us, glory over hatred
Universal, instinct over criminal
Played the soul dwelling game in the belly of the Earth
Ignition of hunger instincts
We stick together in a saran wrap wind gust.
We trade eyes,
Souls stick as well
Our loving hearts with other ideas began to poke holes
To find a way out
Afraid of the smothering
So yeah, I still have that cramping.


Lightbulbs

Feeling dumb as nails
Hot as sunshine stuck to my tongue
Dried up like raisins
A crippled scarecrow
My seized mind growls
As lightbulbs pop all around
The constant howl of pickup trucks
In the night
To pick up women,
who shouldn’t be so trusting
Dinner on the table
Michelob and bread
I’ve got a burned-up atrium
Defecating death smells
In the closet
The Mannequin wife blinks
She’s doing double duty
As plastic
As pink
In the road,
the wonder boy crows
He has the secrets to a good arsenic soak.


A Crowd Looks On

A crowd looks on
As the sun gropes the moon
And the stars oil themselves together
A crowd looks on

A crowd looks on
A hill collapses over electrical wires
A tear trembles down the face of an oversexed mayor
A whole trailer park is in flames
A Pentecostal family plays checkers by a pond of ducks
A crowd looks on

A crowd looks on
A 15 year old girl gives birth to new life
In the woods with an old sailor’s hat as her pillow
A crowd looks on

A crowd looks on
As the cops erupt in anger
And another life is taken away
A whole family vanishes
A crowd looks on


Fishing with the Beatniks

We walked down the dusty path
Where all the windshields were covered in soot
We had hair that hadn’t been cut in seasons
We felt wacky and sniffed glue by the pond.
By the burgundy garbage can we listened to the crickets
Our friends were trees that smelled wet and wretched.
We looked into each other’s eyes and our legs bent and melted.
Sunshine on our arms, felt whimsical 
While our idiotic brains ran behind the clouds like a goof.

We were nothing but children again
Running into the pond with clothes falling off
With the catfish and amoeba dreaming of our flesh
Our untied shoes sat on the rocks while we ran careless
Slipping on the blood of our cuts, 
Not even paying attention to the electrical flashes from the clouding sky.

We got too busy playing like devils
To fish with all the beatniks snapping by the campfires.
Too busy as frogs, circling the lily pads
Marijuana smoke and the skunks marinate

And the peace and thundering storm become one.
We fell asleep looking up at debris flying together,
The dirt raked down into our eyes and mouth
We drank up the mud, and went home fishless.

Crippled Clown

I am the crippled clown
I can’t entertain the children
I have been juggling arrows and knives for far too long
I have forgot what is right, what is wrong
Maybe i’m stuck in the permanence of a mistake
Today, 
I feel a trap on my tightened stems
Someone catch me as I fall now
I promise I can be good
I’m really just misunderstood
I never meant to be society’s harm and shame.
The face of wrinkled makeup decay
The door has been slammed shut on the joy, the trippy music
Now i’m sunk
Within the Earth, 
I am crawling in my own flesh
Every bone is breaking
In my hands, i’m splitting
Battling every illness inside and outside
I tried very hard to bring laughter to all of you from afar
The laughs in gray now from the juggling days
Can you handle me falling?
To see the shape i’m in
Try to understand.
That really, i’m not in too much pain

I was the heir to the problem.
I am to be swept away like the confetti.
In the thin air i’ll be with the birds
Flying free, the air is the sound
The only sound I need for the moment
I’m dreaming as I fall, 
I dream of the Ocean’s scars
Will I be able to stitch the waters back together?
I’m deeply calm, 
I’m not shook nor full of brawn
The sweet breath of the Stratosphere
And dear, I leave you with the light
I crawled so far into the needles and the fires
The hills became too steep to climb
So, let me get far into this blank dark abyss
Let me pronounce my dying days to the whole world
The one who laughed at my mental juggling.


Elvis Presley Boyfriends

No tears left
for those who walk crooked
Tripping over sidewalks
leaning on walls at the bus stop
Tippie and Gaba watched him,
laughed at him, wanted him
They each had 
those swollen stoned girly eyes
Those girls munched
on banana bread as
the ice cracked in the Earth
under their feet
They dreamt of him
swollen stoned girly eyes
Those girls munched
on banana bread as
the ice cracked in the Earth
under their feet
They dreamt of him
They dreamt up pictures
of Elvis Presley boyfriends
that were linked to the mob
Suddenly the air is awake,
it yawns its last yawn for the night
it’s ready for a new day,
to crash, to burn and spawn
There's a man with Cauliflower ears
drawing on sidewalks with chalk
pictures of children
with black eyes enjoying
an unknown sunshine
He wiggles in twitches
in a paranoid haze
Does a few somersaults
across a whole town of weed infested
lawns
hoping to catch the glances of Marilyn
Monroe
Does she catch him?
Only he will know
Will her blowing dress
become tattooed to a cloud?
He is ready to fight the pink night
Challenges the town
to a drinking game
blowing bubbles of champagne
inside a sewer drain
The night wins by default
Soon light appears,
day was clear
And he wondered
if he had been the crust
in the sky’s cloudy eyelids
In the shadows
he saw glistening greasy sideburns
Rock-a-hula to the new day
The ladies attached to him
as he was swaying in jumpsuits
in the pan alley
still smells like a sewer
He thought he found
two Marilyn Monroes
derived out of the remnants
of a dumpster wig
They were only the drunkard Jills
that fell down the hill
into the grip of a delusional persona
It was not a jealous Wednesday
it was a Frisky Friday
and they all rejoiced
into a broken mirror,
in peace they realized they were all one
in the same
A crowd of laughter erupted
inside a sealed envelope
Broken open only by a jackhammer
A walk upon seashells,
he will catch
the burning of the former world
from a distance.


Wolfpack Contributor EIC Bios:  David L O’Nan & HilLesha O’Nan


Poem “Alone In My Car” by David L O’Nan


Short poems part 800? by David L O’Nan


Poem: Injustice: Can You Say Her Name? (Pouvez-vous) by David L O’Nan

More Micro Poems by David L O’Nan

Poetry by David L O’Nan: Hero Dilemma, She’s a Roadkill Jezebel, Cloud Rot, Cherry Red Boots, Full Red Moon, Stonewalls & Parlor Tricks.
















5 published Poems by David L O’Nan : A Scramble in the Darkness, The Romance to the Rapture, etc.

A Scramble in the Darkness

When I feel the veins in my arms mutate into a tragedy
My head has become nothing but air
When I can’t move with the waves of the city
All I want is a hand to squeeze mine
When I’m alone,
I still feel the crowded breath upon my shoulders
Into my ears, caressing my brain
Injecting me with fears
I am cradled in nerves,
and with that you have no comfort
How can you describe this to the people that love you?
You still feel helpless,
the words don’t match your actions
You’ve been rejected, a rejection, and the madness
I feel the tears collected in a basin
By the darkness, while in scrambles
The darkness, is the only presence
The darkness, is your master
The darkness, is your personal rapture
The darkness is the minder
The darkness whistles you into the wind of capture
Until never again
A prayer wrapped in the skin of sin

The Romance to the Rapture

I walked for centuries
Burning the midnight oil
The wind,
like a romance
Began pleasant,
quite enticing
Then our minds became puzzles
As the wind ripped away our breath
And we could no longer see each other
As the sand flew into our eyes,
ripe with maleficence
Broke our hearts,
an assemblage of particles
Stale blood formed where we loved
You moved on to feel the rapture
I crawled into a septic of flooding
The oceans lay bare
and I often believed in only
the darkness of the sunsets
Peeling purple & orange skies
with the hint of black cloaked evils
Can I mask a smile for the dreamers?
That don’t live in nightmares
I can only sing myself out of the bore
Let my reflection drink the tears
that pour
In echoes I can hear your song
What is love?
A love is an affliction?
A love is bruising minds,
it is an addiction
You want the sunrise to lick the decay away
Begin with the pulse of the soul,
the sorrow I can feel
Alone, in breath
Forming peace when hated.


A Rhapsody for a Cloud, For a Friend

I know that tears can’t be erased
When staring at a blank photo
Memories are still playing within the fading
We want icicles that doesn’t melt in the desert
That drip vastly from forest branches
I remember a 5-year span
When I was all alone in my fears
Dreaming in dark mirrors,
I couldn’t recognize my own reflection
In that 5 years I knew you
When you were here
Although we didn’t draw together,
write together
You are a great person to talk to in life
In social media muck as well
On whatever Myspace was,
whatever facebook is
Wherever a lost cloud may go
We confessed, we discussed
The virals of sadness, madness,
or whatever the trips were
I confided to you in a PTSD window
From a night I was challenged
by the false in their own frightening shadows of self
To become the bullied
and the one who was advantageous to their call
And how it was unordinary for this to be
reversals of a common news story
I listened to your artistic energy in song,
I saw that same energy in your art
I appreciated you being an appearance at poetry readings
That I broke apart at
That you seemed to understand the Holy dances
we all try to sway to
Sometimes our feet become the monsters,
won’t let us move
The people we know, or thought we know
Even motherly,
have the sharpest bite
Lost like that cloud.
In space yet discovered
With eyes that recognize its artistic path
towards something not yet known
Unexplainable,
other galaxies will be able to decipher the purity
And understand the words, the art,
to appreciate a cloud of flower petals
With a soul. With a heart.
Whom has an Inner Light
What else, the darkness?
That is just the veil to hide the imagination.


A Crumbling Pyramid

The pyramids have lost their eyes
The pyramids are losing their life
They are crumbling into piles of sand
And here I am
Looking for my time,
caught in another’s mind
Searching for a soul to find
If it lays in the sand
Is it mine or another man’s?
Did my pyramid already begin to erode?
I feel so cold, walking on hot sands
The chilly breeze has caught my naked hands
And I’m aging by the smell
The smell of the crumbling life
And my mind is resting
in the licks of the desert
Starting its new mutation
into something sublime
Evolve into another mind
Become what they were taught
Believe in every thought
Try to hold onto a last sprinkle of sand
But I am too broken apart
The tremors in my hands will not let me
Hold onto this sand
And I must let go
To become a different man

Golden Sun Predator

There is a past
I don’t want to relive
I don’t want to feel erratic,
and pasted through walls anymore
I’m becoming an elastic dream to climb through
Reinvented my idea of God
While instilled with a mix of sexual desire
and possessive energy
I’m about as trustworthy as a red eyed snake
I live the fire and feel like leather
My eyes are dark,
and they lay behind wooden and splintered
Then the winding wind
Unusual scars form
Bitten stars
They were bitten by the night
Angry night,
living like a predator

Always hungry,
Always ready to eat
Eat away a new star,
making it dark and unwanted
Then the awakening
Lay in the arms of the golden sun
Cradling your head
like a newborn baby
You don’t think about the lifeless anymore
There is a snow cloud
made just for you
To make you feel wanted and adored
Just like the beauty of the snow
But like snow,
you can be dangerous
You can cause mayhem,
with your slick moves
And your cold intoxicating eyes
Make that Golden Sun want you again
In your heart still lived that predator
That muddy serpent.


Wolfpack Contributor EIC Bios:  David L O’Nan & HilLesha O’Nan


Poem “Those Trains in Carbondale” by David L O’Nan


4 Poems by David L O’Nan available today on Punk Noir Magazine. Follow the link

Several Poems by David L O’Nan including “Wrestling the Air” “the Withering Alice” “Broken Ballets in Haunting Gardens” & more