A Poetry Showcase from Robert Pegel

The Enemy Within

Paralyzed with frustration.
This is not how
it’s supposed to be.
This wasn’t the plan.
Everything is overwhelming now.
Can’t turn to anyone
but myself.
Have to pay someone
to listen to my problems.

Needing a friend
but why pretend
when there are no 
answers in the end?
No one will ever
make sense of this madness
and believe me 
I give it my all.
Born into a family 
who was born to
suffer and die young.
To know death 
and its aftermath
a little too well.
Still want to be me.
A changed version of me.
A blend of the new
 and the old.
A different person
when we hear the call
and are summoned 
to rise above it all.                                                                                                                      

Saul became Paul
in the Bible.
It’s never too late.
Put on the armor and
draw your sword.
Fight the enemy within.    

Always hovering around 
and causing problems.                                                                                                               
Living inside you.
Draining your energy and                                                                       
turning you inside out.                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
Steady as you go
this better world 
is awaiting you.
Greeting your arrival.
Waiting on a soft landing
in the end.
A rain drop kiss
on a flower.

Turbulent Times

I’m at war with myself,
tired of being me.
Be easy with yourself they say,
don’t be your own worst enemy.
But I’ve got to live in this tortured
It’s exhausting.
Wish we lived in a world
where we could swap out
our minds for a few days
or weeks.
See how someone else likes
rattling around in this labyrinth.
Seeing too many points of view.
And insomnia days on end.
Feel like a caged animal,
begging to be set free.
A mind shouldn’t be a weapon,
and mine’s turned against me.

Rude Awakening

It’s a life no one quite grasps completely.
We stumble from day to day.
Revel in small victories.
Keep silent in our defeats.
Sidestepping the spiritual matters
until one day the heaviness falls 
on top of us out of nowhere.
Then the laughter goes away
and the tears fall like burning rain.
We are so alone, aimlessly pursuing 
what we no longer care about.
Left feeling not even a part of this world.
Defenseless against the merciless pain.
Someone sip from my cup,
let me know you care.
Don’t believe in bad circumstances.
Hope life means more than
dumb luck.
Brace yourself.
You’re on the ride of your life.
Some day there may be
time to reflect.
Until then prepare for the undertow
and the pull of a presence
bigger than yourself.

Reluctant Visitor

Moments of clarity
are few and far between.
The sunshine sometimes helps
clear the fog in my mind.
Coupled with the cold
on my face I somehow feel more alive.
Less wanting to curl up
and hide.
So I continue walking aimlessly
down the treacherous road
of a life not chosen.
My son was my world.
I’m supposed to live without him now.
Just like that.
What kind of horror did I agree to
when I signed on coming into
this world?

Bio: Robert Pegel is a husband and father whose only child, his son Calvin, died in his sleep at age 16.  Robert writes to try and transform his grief by creating.
Robert holds a BA in English from Columbia University.
He has been published in Backchannels, Resurrection Magazine, Goat’s Milk, ZiN Daily, Fahmidan Journal, The Madrigal and others.  He has work forthcoming in Door is a Jar 
and North Dakota Quarterly.

By davidlonan1

David writes poetry, short stories, and writings that'll make you think or laugh, provoking you to examine images in your mind. To submit poetry, photography, art, please send to feversofthemind@gmail.com. Twitter: @davidLOnan1 + @feversof Facebook: DavidLONan1

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