(Confidence], Anxiety], [Self Doubt]
(so) what if [they don't like me] ? (so) what if [they think I'm stupid] ? (so) what if [I sound dumb] ? Who I Am Now? I could hurt myself and feel terrible after. It's self harm when I hurt you. Cause you're part of me. My family or extended, blood blended. The type to be loved always But everyone gets hurt around me these days. Mood effects sleep. I barely get a wink. That's how it feels and I take it out on you. Anger and stress, it bubbles inside. I blow up and burn the ones with the gentle touch The loving touch, the ones who want the best for me And I don't even know what I want for myself. Some days I just want to be left alone. Other times I pray for you not to be gone. I'm a mess. I feel like a burden. I feel like trouble. I feel like “the problem we don't talk about.” You don't say it out loud, but I can read your mind. Forgive me. I'm not me now. I've changed so much in unsubtle ways. I barely recognize myself these days. Case of Emergency Back of the neck pain, but sane. For how long, when stronger becomes not And it turns you inside out Into someone else, something else When you can't recognize your eyes Your hands, your face When you're not yourself are you okay? You hope to be back some day In case of emergency Break the glass and move out the way Bio: Rickey Rivers Jr was born and raised in Alabama. He is a Best of the Net nominated writer and cancer survivor. His work has appeared in Brave Voices, Sage Cigarettes and Hell Hued Zine (among other publications). Twitter.com/storiesyoumight Sensurlon here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09XDHZXHB
Fevers of the Mind 
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