Tomorrow’s my birthday so more poetry by David L O’Nan : Poetry Series Chronicles of an 80’s childhood in segments & more

Chronicles of an 80’s Childhood In Segments (of Magic & Misery in Thoughts & Recollections (not based on my life)

1. The Paint chipping in the corners
    As rain eats through the roof
    Just to die slowly and innocent in threads of carpet
    In between insults to my mother,
    A dad peels at the windowpane
   Removing windblown leaves, perhaps maple

2.  Hugged into the affection of butterflies,
     Springtime warmth gives you hope, away from home
     Sips of Coca-Cola from the drug store tap
     We chase the bouncing rainbows,
     In the fields of an everlasting breeze
     Kids shouldn't walk like Van Gogh,
     Like at home
     Evading humanity
     Living brisk and trying to take all the art as yours
     To live in your own world.

3.  So, we sequestered ourselves
     To the shadow feelings that linger under beds
     Overseeing hallway lights
    Hear the yells mash against the walls,
    Leaving bruises,
    Abandoned hauntings
   Wishing back to Summer prairies in damp sunlight
    Bicycle races without winners
    Ponds that smelled like frogs and sewage.

4.   We hear the breaking of heartbeats
      Boredom of fictitious harmony
     Hisses of air circulating in the stomach, our water pipes
     A whirring sound of discomfort
    We see a melting slime moon
   Drip gelatinous from the coven of night.

5.   In the cold, oh so cold
     The skin of my lips
     Little semicolon shapes, so sore
    The kitchen smells of chicken soup broth
    & rotten mistletoe
    Clashing smells of irony
    Hear the voices now?
    Wicked wind breath?

6.   We reached the apex of a "good day"
     A bit of sunlight
     Family laughter
    Then the mix of chemicals and weather
     A new thunderstorm
     hides
     To make broken paperdolls in the closet
     Tears like rain
     Belt buckle whips like a popping of dynamite
     To innocent ears.

7.   As we are dreamers
     We orient ourselves in situations
     From love to nightmares
    Trying to convert the life in the middle as normalcy
    Then you looked to the clouds
    They are shaped like bears and spiders
    Uneven we are,
    Much like when the sunlight blades hit the Earth.

8.   Sunburned hands,
     Feels like razor blade cuts on my palms
    We ride on the bikes
   Bleeding and all with dirt canvas masterpieces as faces
   Freckled and demure
  Kicks to bend in the oil cans,
  And still we are doing somersaults -
  Across the sharp lawns of grass.

9.  After hours,
     Once asleep
    He comes home after intermingling
   With the other sheet metal workers
   That smell of perfume
   We jump off beds for a hug in our cartoony pajamas
   We find ourselves instead
   Heading to bus stops,
   To get Taco Bell -
  handled by old maids with band aid hands
  We have left.

10.  Life in the 90's  (her life)

     In Small cities everywhere there are delusional Kerouacs
    and ladies with reptilian tongues
    So now we are in seclusion
    Splitting bullets in separations
   A crimson evening gown from 4 sizes ago -
   resting in a closet,
   By hidden money
  Suffocated in a dry cleaning bag
  The dress could not be sold,
   No departing
  The memories of a happier time
  Left cobwebs of a family
  No parties with friends,
  No dance to be danced
  Her home behind the train tracks
  Spooky whistles every night
  She lay in darkness
  Lost minutes to this breathless curse
  Fainthearted when putting on make-up
  To the grocery store down the street.

She'll stumble over the gravel in her boots
Miles back you hear the train hit the brakes
While she stares at the stars that look murdered.
Running home with torn grocery bags
Cries out to the weaving halos
Agoraphobia in Eden.

Saved After the Fear

I was born to this rusty cage
On a midnight to morning rush,
I'm saved
I've climbed the ladder to heaven's ceiling
and when I was there,
I saw his face
Calling me to be brave,
in a whisper
Everything before this moment,
a deep lie
And I want to find you now that I know
I want everyone know that I am saved
You just want to keep me locked away
Walking with the floods
I believed in everything,
I believed in you
I called you my destiny,
my gorgeous mural
I wanted you more than I wanted to live
and here you are,
sitting in wires
Feeling as empty as a black hole,
a darkest blue
I dream,
you won in the end of the shade
You are the one changed,
all disgrace
Do you still have one thought of me?
Am I anywhere in that puzzled mind?
I'm sorry I was selfish,
I'm just trying to release the fear.
That i'll never see your face again,
my visions of a cold cemetery wind
A kiss that's faded,
Expressions stuck to the breeze
stuck like a ghost hovering in every memory.
Let me sail with your eyes,
I want to see the world free like you
I want to move on,
Saint or Sin
Forget that constant feeling,
of touching you again.
Can I be saved,
Can I feel saved,
or am I teasing myself.

Alarm Clock to God

One morning I wake up
and now I believe in God
Sincerity was mixed
with the rest of the oils of life.
Laughter, other medicines
challenging the miracles of our mind
Your sad eyes will look to heaven now
Channeling spirits,
shaking with the Angelic freeze,
That streams down with his light
Maybe you've conquered
the dying last days of loved ones.
Maybe you have an answer for the clue monkeys
Who paraded your mind with questions?
From real to fiction to unreal to some alcoholic tales
Who do you choose to believe?
Your theory has always been the most basic
He only appears as the result of devastation
You turn to prayer in desperation
Out of selfishness, not of understanding
2 or 3 years tangled together and feeling lost
You use greed as your crutch
Sunshine, starlight, universal splendor,
he's the right
The truth behind the serum
That we help  mould
through his eyes 
Images,
We are actors in a play
Painting pictures that form realism
Acknowledged fully when posthumous
5:00 a.m.
Warm mornings in June
You believe in God
Don't snooze 'til 6 a.m.

Ladybug

Ladybug
I must look black and blue to you
All my dots are sunken in so deep
My skin is stretched
aging as my soul
life on a train
Moving through the dust
escaping the freedom of flowers
to live in a can of rust
There are millions of bumblebees out there
And they talk me into a stinging
I'll fall victim
after their longing stare
My legs will fail, 
my knees crippling into weakness
So,
ladybug
I'm sorry too
That I never had a chance to say
That your beauty is a glowing urn
Ashes of memories
collected
during our spiraling fall
feeling naked,
brushed me off into the waters
I think of your smile
My mind is in love,
My heart is in pain
Accepted you as a target
I was the one shot down
The winter breeze threatened our wings
peeled off as frost hitting the skin
We flew straight into the mouth of the chill
Fighting till the bitter end.

Truck Stops Named Truck Stop

From truck stops to truck stops
Dirty flannel truck driver cowboys
Drunkards battle the demons of the road
and the rejections of impregnated women
They wanted more -
than a quick time chaw tongue kissing and cuddles
His rebel flag tattoo fading
like his smoke damaged eyes
Off to another truck stop
Another Betty Franklin,
or a Norma Davies
Off to another plate
of bacon, biscuits & gravy disasters
A silhouette of negligent phantoms
As open slurs with wet ink
drips down restroom walls.

As Love is Crucial

As love is crucial
Your materials and drawn on smiles are not my motivation
Let's be real people
I'm not ashamed of my passions,
Nor do I feel weakness in my tears
The world still turns in your choosing
In artificial armor,
Or in legitimate beauty
What do your eyes see?
Through the fog
What do your eyes see?

The Same

In your arms I've died a million deaths
The death called love
The same flowing blood from two sacred hearts
The blood is unity, of love
That uncomfortable juice, that mythical feeling.

Eternal Feels

I live in poetry through eternal feels
As they buried my father after the ills infected
As madness moments click me to panic walks
As I look into my beautiful wife's eyes
As I held my infant son and daughter for the first time
As I sit on a sidewalk in prayer on a cold night,
a moon impeding.



By davidlonan1

David writes poetry, short stories, and writings that'll make you think or laugh, provoking you to examine images in your mind. To submit poetry, photography, art, please send to feversofthemind@gmail.com. Twitter: @davidLOnan1 + @feversof Facebook: DavidLONan1

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